When We Were Young
by animefreaksrus
Summary: A lot of things can happen at a party when Dave Strider arrives. Humanstuck. Dave/John, slight Karkat/Terezi.
1. Chapter 1

**When We Were Young**

**Chapter One**

"Come on, Strider. It'll be fun, I swear!"

"Bullshit. All there'll be are pussy nerds wanting to trade Yu-Gi-Mon—or whatever that shit is—cards and slutty whores looking for one night stands. No thanks. I'd rather take my money to the gas station and buy a six pack and some smokes. Then I'll call it a night. Call me when you have a party to look forward to, instead of just your living room, weird drinks, and Brittney Spears playing over the speakers," Dave muttered, inhaling some of the cigarette smoke.

Dave Strider loves parties. Hell, he practically worships them. Getting drunk, dancing all night to cliché pop songs, making out with random strangers, pick pocketing hundreds, and to seal the deal, and massive hangover in the morning. It is a sweet blasphemy that he loves. Give him a party, he's there. Well, unless the party is being thrown by Alex Sommers, his best friend and pal honcho. Alex's parties consist of unknown substances being rammed down your throat, whores and bitches of all kinds, derpy nerds with extreme overbites and nasal conditions, and worst of all—seven minutes in fucking heaven.

Dave regretted the first time he went to an Alex Sommers party—in the tenth grade. He ended up losing his virginity to that bastard, Karkat Vantas. It was not fun listening to the fuck face's yells the next morning, especially with Dave's massive headache. And it was even less fun getting bitch-slapped by Vantas' girl, Terezi Pyrope. Damn, that hottie can slap hard. Dave made a vow that he would not go to another one of Alex's parties. He broke that vow when he went to the previous party that Alex held. Let's just say, he went home with a black eye, bloody nose, a pain in his crotch, a massive hangover that lasted for days, and an old donkey that was used for 'Saddle Sex'.

"Come on, man! I promise you won't end up owning a horse this time!" Alex groaned on the other line.

Dave scowled. "For one, it was a donkey, fuck wave. And two, how do you fucking know?"

"Because I won't be ordering Taco Bell for dinner this time!"

"That's racist," Dave said. "And besides, you're just saying shit so I'll cave in, and come to another one of your train wreck disasters of a party."

"I swear, this time, you won't drink any foreign fluids!"

"Two words:" Dave replied, "Bull. And shit. Stop creating lies, Sommers."

"Come on, dick wad! Don't be a fucking pussy. Your bro would be disappointed."

Dave froze, and glared at the phone, hoping that lasers would shoot out from his eyes and kill the bull shitter on the other end. "Fuck you!" Dave yelled. "I'm not a fucking pussy, and what gives you the fucking right to fucking talk about my brother, you ass shit?"

There was silence on the other end.

Dave sighed and ran a hand through his extremely blonde hair. "Fine. I'll go to your stupid excuse for a party," he said through gritted teeth.

The albino could practically see the smirk that Sommers was handling at that moment, as if saying, 'Let the fun begin, cunt fuck.' "Alright man. I'll be expecting you. Don't bail out at the last minute, or else I'll have your ass."

"Whatever. At this party, make sure you don't fuck your cousin."

"Fuck you, Strider," Sommers growled.

"You already did that, remember? Last Friday night. When we got drunk?"

"Shut up, ass wipe."

"Aw, come on! You know you thoroughly enjoyed it, love. I know I did!" Dave laughed nonchalantly.

"Fuck you."

"Like I said, Sommers, you did. Last Friday night!" Geez, did Sommer's have a hard time hearing him?

"Sh—"

"Yeah we danced on table tops~!" Dave began to sing.

"Ut—"

"And we took too many shots~!"

"The f—"

"Think we kissed but I forgot~!"

"Uck u—"

"Last Friday night~!"

"U-Up! Shut up, Strider! Damn you! You know I hate that song!"Sommers whined.

Strider just laughed. "You seemed to like that song while I stuck my dick—"

"I hate you."

"Love you too, babe."

"I'm straight," Sommers growled.

"And I'm bi. So what?"

"I'm going to hang up now."

"Good for you, Sommers. You are actually able to handle something so complicated as a phone. I am so fucking proud of you. Would you like a gold star for your achievement?"

"I so hate you right now," Sommers sighed. "Why don't you go suck Vantas' cock. You seemed to enjoy doing that on my mom's fine furniture."

"Oh I will. I will make sweet love to that man, while Lady Gaga plays in the background, and fireworks explode in the background. Then we will serenade each other with the song "Peacock" by the infamous Katy Perry. And I will make sure you won't be there to watch it like last time. Go suck it, bitch."

Dave hung up with a smug smile on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Dave pushed up his shades, smirking at the sight in front of him. The entire Sommers' house was already trashed. There were beer bottles and cans everywhere, wine glasses were being shattered against the brick wall, smoke and a slight hint of weed was pouring out from the inside, the music was ear bleeding to the point of no return, and condoms were strewn across the lawn, while many couples showed their happy parts to everyone who walked by.

Just another Alex Sommers party.

Dave walked through the doorway, leading into the house, and stepped over the broken down door and a few drunken bodies. The cool kid sauntered through the mess of sweaty and beer-smelling people, and made his way for the smelly kitchen.

Dave walked over to the large island in the middle of the kitchen, and grabbed a full bottle of Miller. He popped open the top with his teeth, and chugged down the liquid, until there was nothing left.

"And Mister Dave Strider, folks!" a drunken voice—which belonged to Sommers—slurred. "Let's all give him a motherfuckin' prize for his fabulous wins this evening! Chugging down a bottle of nasty beer and arriving at a party two hours late! Ah, let's see what he has to say!"

Dave rolled his eyes from behind his shades, and grabbed another Miller. "Fuck to the time," he grumbled. "I don't even want to be here. And haven't you ever heard the term 'fashionably late', Sommers? Or how about the term 'I don't give a flying fuck'."

"Shit to the core, man," Sommers sighed, grabbing a cigar out of his pocket. "I don't give a fuck about anything. And yeah, fashionably late, eh? That's what my sister says when she's pregnant."

Dave snorted. "Please. You're sister is a bottle blonde bleach whore. She's probably fucked Edward Cullen by now. Never know how hard that bitch'll bang."

"Ahaha she's here, you know. Quit collage 'cause she 'wasn't feelin her major'. Please. What major? She don't even have a minor. Well anyway, now that girl thinks she can just live with me now. Nah, man! She's gotta go! This is my man-hood! My crib! My hive! I gotta protect my reputation. I bring a new girl in here every night. Heh, last night I got myself a sceney queen. Pink hair 'n all. She was a good fuck… But not my type."

"Ah yes," Dave mumbled. "I forgot, you take after your whore-head sister." He took another swig of beer, and nodded to the door. "Why don't you go dance a little, man? You're as drunk as can be. Besides, maybe you can pick up an insecure emo. Those are always nice."

"Don't stereotype, man. Would Jesus stereotype you? No. I don't think he would."

"Yeah. Jesus would be too busy making sick beats with me while we throw a rave up in heaven."

"Hallelujah, my brother," Sommers mumbled, taking a deep inhale of his smoke.

"Oh fucking great. Shit-for-brains and his dumb-ass friend are in here. Yippee," a sarcastic voice mumbled.

Dave looked up and smirked. "Aw, Vantas! I though you liked me!"

Karkat Vantas is a five-foot, four inch midget of pure cuteness. Of course, he tries to act like a fucking douche. But all in all, it makes him look sweet and innocent, with his black, curly hair, chocolate-y brown eyes, and a permanent scowl on his face. He had three piercings in each ear, and has a tattoo of a crab on his back. It may seem like the dumbest tattoo ever, but Dave thinks it's sexy.

Vantas scowled. "Don't get your fucking high hopes up, you ignorant shithole. I can't fucking stand you."

Sommers giggled, and dropped his worn out cigar on the counter. "Hey… hey Karkat. Hey. Hey Vantas, guess what?"

Karkat scowled. "What the flying fuck could you possibly want, idiot?" he growled.

Sommers bit his lip as if concealing a burst of laugher. He let out a tiny giggle, and said, "Dave said he's gonna make love to you, while Lady Gaga and fireworks play in the background! Hehe! Then you'll serenade the song, 'Peacock' to each other. Heh! And I can't watch this time~!"

When Sommers was finished, Karkat's face was red—from anger or embarrassment?—and lucky for Dave, Terezi decided to walk at the perfect time, so she heard every word.

The blind girl raised her eyebrow, and cocked her hip to the side. "Oh is he now?" she growled. Then she advanced to Dave and back-handed, bitch-slapped him. "God you fucking whore!" Terezi turned around and walked out of the kitchen, dragging Karkat with her.

Sommers chuckled. "Pay~back!" he sing-songed. "Don't ever sing that song ever again!" Then he walked back out to the dancing area, where David Guetta was playing over the speakers.

Dave sighed, and grabbed a smoke out of his pocket.

This was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"So do you have a… girlfriend?" The teasing girl was starting to get on Dave's nerves. The spray tanned jock was just as bad as Sommers' sister. And that's saying something. Her long, pink manicured fingernails traced down Dave's arm. She was probably hoping to get a reaction from… downstairs out of him.

Dave shrugged the girl off of him. "Yes," he lied. "Now piss off."

The blonde pouted. "Aw, come on~ sweetie! You know you can't resist me~."

Dave chuckled. "Oh look, this is me. Raising my hand, waving you off. Oh, and lookie here! I am resisting you. Sorry, doll, I don't fuck whores."

The blond scoffed and stood up, staggering a little, from all the alcohol she consumed. "Fine then. I'll just go fuck someone else!"

Dave nodded and raised his beer bottle. "Good for you. Now piss off."

Furious, the girl stomped away, her stilettos clacking against the hardwood floor.

Dave sighed and looked around the room, bored to death. He really had nothing to do at this suckish party. Sommer was probably banging some fuckass whore. Vantas was probably too drunk to know whatever was happening, but if Dave could guess, him and Terezi were in a closet, getting their happy on. So he basically had no one to commune with.

_Wow I need some friends, _Dave thought to himself. _I only have two. Well, if you count Vantas a 'friend'._

Shrugging, the albino took another gulp of his beer. Nicki Minaj was playing over the speakers, and Dave felt like if the music was any louder, his ears would fall off. At least that would give him a reason to leave.

"Christ, Strider. What the fuck are you doing here all alone?" Vantas mumbled, plopping himself next to the cool kid. "You look like one of them fucking emo kids, all depressed and such."

"Well you're obviously not drunk," Dave mumbled. "Aye, where's your sexy girlfriend? Fucking some other hoe?"

Karkat scowled and flipped Dave off. "For your information, penis breath, she's getting us more drinks."

"Making your girlfriend do all the dirty work? Why Vantas, you _are _turning into a real man."

The boy rolled his eyes and looked around. "Look man, you have no friends except Sommers. And that's pretty low for a guy like you."

Dave raised his eyebrow. "A guy like me? And I thought you _were _my friend, Vantas."

Vantas shook his head. "Fuckass," he mumbled under his breath.

"Hey, at least I don't have a stoner for a best friend," Dave said, raising his hands in defense.

"At least Gamzee's not a whore like Sommers," Karkat growled. "Besides, when I know Gamzee, I know Tavros. With Tavros I know Vriska. With Vriska, well, should I go on?"

Dave sighed in defeat. "Whatever. At least I don't know that lisping freak."

Karkat glared at Dave. "Sollux is cool, man. You don't know anybody well enough to judge them. So shut your trap."

Dave shrugged. "Whatever."

Karkat smirked. "What if I told you that I could introduce you to someone just as cool as the next person?"

"So that would mean that person would be a total derp."

Karkat shrugged. "Bluh. He tries. Come on, dude. I'm trying to help you here. John's not that bad. Just… weird."

Dave shook his head. "I'm good, Vantas. I'd rather not have you hook me up. All the times you try to, it always ends up terrible."

"Come on, I'm great at matchmaking."

"Yeah right. Where do you get your fucking study from? Those shitty romcoms you love?"

"Only you would know that, Strider," Karkat sighed.

"Well that's because I ended up spraying my manly fluids all over your pile of romance movies, and you yelled at me until I silence you with a sloppy makeout."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, fuck face."

"Come on. Just this once. I won't be wrong this time! Trust me!" Karkat asked. Wow, the kid was practically _begging_.

Dave groaned. "Fine. If it'll satisfy you, then bring along the derp."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "Fuckass," he mumbled. "Fine. I'll be back."

Dave sighed and took another swig of his drink. Oh, why does Karkat try to meddle? Last time, Dave ended up getting his eye blackened from the last guy Vantas hooked him up with. Bikers and Dave don't go good together. Both he and Karkat learned that.

A few minutes later, Karkat came back, dragging along a boy, who looked like he was too socially awkward to say anything.

Vantas pushed the boy forward and said, "Dave, this is John. John, Dave. Proceed sloppy makeouts." Then he walked away.

Dave glared at the back of his head. _Bastard._

Strider looked up at John. He was a bit taller than Vantas, which was better than nothing. He had dark brown/black hair waved down, and curled at the bottom, flipping upward. He was wearing a Ghostbusters shirt, and baggy blue jeans, along with worn out, black All Stars. He had a small, bucktoothed smile, which was the most derpiest thing Dave had ever seen. Behind thick, black glasses were the most bluest irises that were hidden behind thick lashses.

Dave gaped at the boy.

John was the most beautiful human being that Dave had ever seen in his entire life.

**Eh… crappy chapter. Headaches aren't good for the soul. Especially when one wants to write about Homestuck. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh my gosh you guys. I am so fuckin sorry for the lack of updating.**

**My computer screen cracked (my bad) and I had to get it fixed because it was just fucked up to no end. And that took about two weeks, so that is my reason for lack of updating.**

**And I'm sorry this chapter sucks cow butt. **

"You like rap?"

"It's okay, I guess. I mean, I've never really had an interest in music before. All my interest is in movies."

Dave raised his eyebrow. "Yeah? What kind of movies?" _Please not romcoms. Please not romcoms…_

"Well I really can't base my interest on a certain genre. I guess I can tolerate all sorts of movies. I mean, I never really choose a basic kind of movie for my liking…."

Dave sighed. Well it's better than nothing…

He and John were currently sitting outside, on Sommers' back patio, where people were smoking pot, and random bystanders having sex. The stars were fully out, which seemed strange for the atmosphere they were in; a drunken adult party where the swag was off the charts, and bitches were flying. Not usual for a romantic under-the-starlight scene that you would find in one of Karkat's romcoms.

John sighed, leaning back against the brick wall of the house. He was staring off at random point in space, not paying attention to the world outside. The small light of the moon created a glow on his face, making his bright blue eyes even brighter than before. They seemed to sparkle, even.

Dave looked over at the boy. "What are you even doing here, anyway?"

John coughed. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you don't seem like the type to go to a rave or get drunk on a Friday night… So I'm just wondering why you even came to this fail party…"

John twitched his mouth into a smile. "Karkat made me. He said that if I didn't come, then he would punch me in the ear. And… I'd rather have my ear not damaged. So I just came and tried to hide myself as a wallflower…" He looked over at the cool kid. "So why are _you _here? You seem very uninterested in this whole party thing. I mean, you did call it a fail party."

Dave smirked. "I love parties, man. I just don't love… Alex Sommers parties. Last time I went, I ended up adding another member to my already small family."

John raised an eyebrow. "What exactly happened?" he asked curiously, leaning forward.

"Well I'm just gonna put it on this: don't underestimate the stupid game 'pin the tail on this donkey'. Serious shit will go down, and by the end of the night, you will end up owning a mule named El Pacho."

John was in a giggling fit, and he held onto Dave. "Why El Pacho?"

"Because it's either a cultural multitude of embracing one's inner Mexican, or it's a brand of really cheap tasting taco shells."

"Yeah they do taste like shit, don't they?"

"Oh hell yes they do. They taste like shit, wrapped in a used baby diaper, and coated with Karkat's semen. _That _is the definition of El Pacho, my friend."

John wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Eh… that is pretty disgusting. And… Karkat's semen? How would you know what that taste like?"

Dave bit his lip, hiding back a smile. "Well let's just say that two Alex Sommers parties ago, was the night that Karkat and I had a fabulous and passionate night of dancing."

John coughed awkwardly. "I don't think that this 'dancing' you speak of, is actual dancing."

Dave snorted. "Of course not."

The blue eyed boy blushed. "O-Oh… W-well what did Terezi think of that?"

Dave rolled his red eyes from behind his glasses, even though he knew John couldn't see them. "Eh, she didn't really blame Karkat. She scowled and called him a man whore. Then she proceeded to kiss him. After that, I got a mad bitch slap. Not fun to get slapped by an angry girlfriend of an angry and pissy little dude."

John giggled. "Wow. That's weird. Terezi's real nice! Whenever I go over to Karkat's house, she's always there. Once, she introduced me to her stuffed dragons! They were so cool!"

The corner of Dave's mouth twitched up. "Those stupid dragons? Wow, I thought she would've outgrown them… heh."

He shrugged. "Meh. Karkat told me if I didn't say anything positive about them, then he'd pinch my lip. I really don't know why… but yeah."

Dave chuckled. "The only thing Vantas told me to say about the dragons was, 'Just don't upset them. She'll hurt you.' I guess that was some good advice…"

John shrugged. "Meh."

"So what did you say that made her like you?"

He chuckled. "I said Eragon ain't got nothing on her dragons. Then she cackled, hit me with her walking stick, and kissed me on the cheek in front of Karkat."

"Damn. I shoulda used that bit. All I said was that the purple one was fat, and she threw a fucking hissy fit and punched me in the balls. Then she went crying to Karkat about how inconsiderate I was about the dragon's medical condition. Then Vantas rolled his eyes and kicked me out."

John laughed. "Wow. Wrong words, dude."

He shrugged. "Meh. I try."

John sighed. "I really don't wanna stay here any longer."

Dave shrugged. "Neither do I."

John grinned. "Wanna leave? We can go do something else like see a movie or something."

"Thank fucking God. I thought you'd never ask."


End file.
